3 Girls' World
Wednesday, July 29, 2015
The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Hospital Stay
Sunday, July 19, 2015
Bringing the Baby Home- IT JUST GOT REAL!
The first strange and overwhelming emotion I felt was fear. I realized I was absolutely terrified to bring my little miracle home. For 5 1/2 months my baby had been cared for and taken care of by nurses and doctors. I was NOT a nurse or a doctor. What if she stopped breathing? What if her feeding tube falls out? What if she refuses to ever take a bottle? What if she can't handle being home? All these questions running through my head making me more and more afraid something would go wrong, and maybe it wasn't time for Dot to come home just yet. At least not until I had completed nursing school...
Because of all the fear, my anxiety was through the roof. When it comes to unknown situations, I am a worrier. I constantly worry about how the situation might play out and think of all possible outcomes so that I can prepare. But I really didn't know how to prepare for this. At home, we had a schedule worked out pretty well. How would Dot fit into this schedule? Could I do it all? I was anxious how Dot would react to being around her sisters and the home environment all the time. I worried it would all be too much for her at once. Her sisters are movin and groovin, which is great, but what if they accidentally hurt Dot? On the outside I was calm and excited, but inside I was a knotted up mess.
I felt so sad and guilty inside because I felt like I should be more excited about my last baby coming home. I wanted to be as excited as I looked. Don't get me wrong, I was happy and excited to have her home, but I just didn't know if I was prepared to handle it all. I was terrified it would all fall apart if I couldn't handle it, and my babies would be the ones to suffer. With Alyx and Luci I knew their likes and dislikes, what makes them giggle and cry, when they are scared or angry. I realized with Dot, the nurses knew these things better than I did. I felt guilty because I hadn't bonded with my baby to know these things yet. I felt like the worst mother ever, and that feeling is awful.
The first night she was home I didn't sleep much at all. Every little sound and beep woke me up and had me running to her room to check her. A few times I went to her room just to watch her breathing. Even though I knew she had a monitor to tell me everything was ok, I just needed to see for myself. The first day was tough. Working out a schedule was most important so not knowing what Dot's schedule would be was a little tricky. Thank goodness I had my husband to lean on that day. Even with 2 of us there, it was still a little hectic. Mark and I went through everything together, setting up her feeds, hooking up her tube, putting on her sensor, checking her monitors,etc. By the end of the day, with my hubby's help, I felt a little more confident.
I was definitely worried about the first day by myself, but as it turns out, I was able to manage everything pretty well. Now here's the silver lining to my story...it's not all bad. Once Dot was home, I could see how much happier she was now. She giggles and smiles all the time. She wants to be on the floor with her sisters. She loves her room that we set up for her. And best of all, I have had some major bonding time with my baby. I no longer have to schedule a time to see her. I can be with her and love on her whenever I want. I can tell you without a doubt what makes my baby happy and sad, what makes her giggle and cry, what she is scared of and what makes her angry. Being home has been the best thing for Dorothy Jo. She has even started taking the bottle a little at a time.
I wanted to share this because just in case someone else ever has to go through the NICU experience (I don't wish that for anyone.), know that you are not alone in these feelings. And if you know someone going through the NICU roller coaster, know that they could be feeling the same way.
I will say that I can now fully 100% say I am so glad to be home with all my babies, and I know I can handle this. All my fears, doubt, anxiety, and guilt have faded away. I just feel love for my family (and some exhaustion)!
Thursday, June 18, 2015
1 day at a time...girls' update
Alyx and Luci- So these girls have gone from being the big sisters at birth to almost the little sisters (Dorothy Jo almost took her over). They got their 4 month shots and check up at the end of May. They did great and there were no effects after the shots, other than Luci being a little cranky that night. They took it like champs! We did notice that they hadn't gained much weight since the last weight check up last month (less than a pound gained). This wasn't surprising. The past month they had been extremely crabby and spitting like crazy. I am not talking normal baby spit either. I am talking puking half their bottles. No matter what we tried, burping more frequently, feeding upright, keeping upright after feeds, etc. Nothing seemed to help. This reflux was winning and it was so frustrating to see my babies in pain and not being able to help. So our pediatrician referred us to see a GI specialist. While waiting for the GI appointment we decided to make a few changes on our own. I gave up dairy in my diet to see if that was causing spit ups (I MISS MY ICE CREAM!!!), we changed nipple sizes on their bottle, and we started feeding oatmeal. The changing of the nipple and dairy seemed to help, but still waiting to see if the dairy helps but seems to be good so far. Jury is still out on the feeding oatmeal. At first the girls seemed to be interested but after a few days they just were not interested in eating oatmeal anymore. Went to the GI specialist and now we are on a new medication (that they can't spit up like the last one), we are thickening bottles with oatmeal, and will be going for an x-ray next week to make sure nothing is wrong with their upper GI tract. We also found out that the changes we have made have been doing some good, because in less than 3 weeks the girls had gained almost a whole pound! Alyx weighs 10.2 pounds and Luci weighed 10 pounds even.
Other than trouble with feeding, the girls seemed to be doing great! They are rolling all over the place and are so active it's hard to keep them still. They are full of smiles and giggles, and it has been so fun watching them grown and learn. Mark has decided to teach the girls some signs in hopes that we can teach the girls to communicate with us before they are talking. It is really sweet to watch him. He is fully committed to teaching the girls these signs. We have started with Mom, Dad, and eat. The girls have also developed a love for lights and music. They love the light up turtle that plays music. We play with it almost everyday. They also love cartoons! I try to limit the amount of time, but we do watch this youtube channel they love called Baby Bum! It has some very cute songs and nursery rhymes. I can't believe my summer vacation is almost halfway over!
Dorothy- So big changes coming for my little squirrel! WIth her oxygen needs coming down, she has been working on eating from a bottle. This has been a slow and tough process for her. She is having trouble getting the concept of swallowing while still being able to breathe. She gets very worked up thinking she can't breathe and then chokes on the bottle. Some days she will take a little bit other days she won't even let the bottle near her mouth. Because feeding is her last and large hurdle we had to decide on a more long term solution. After discussing out options we decided the best path for Dot is to have a G-tube or G-button put in. So on Tuesday Dot will have a small operation to insert a more permanent tube in her stomach so that she can eat from a pump while still learning to eat at home with a therapist. It is scary to think about my 5 month old baby undergoing surgery, but I know this will be a way for her to be home with all of us. The doctors assured us that this is a very routine and safe procedure so we will just hope and pray that all goes well. As a parent you just want the best for your baby and want to know that you are making the best decision.
So other than the big news of the surgery Dot is coming along great! She had an MRI yesterday and everything is normal. No abnormalities from being born premature. I even got a picture of my little eskimo baby before she went to the MRI. She was not happy about being swaddled up so tight. She is getting stronger with her head control and can sit up with support. She has also become such a happy baby and a social butterfly! She will coo at the nurses and giggle. My favorite time is when we sing together. Music is Dot's favorite, so when I visit I will put on music and we will sing together. Her favorite music? The oldies! Especially the beach boys. She calms and gets immediately happy when her cd is turned on.
So even with this scary time coming up, we know this means she is close to coming home. We can't wait to have us all together and hopefully within a few weeks we will be all together.
Alyx eating oatmeal. |
Luci and Alyx enjoying blanket time. |
Alyx and Luci |
Alyx napping |
Alyx napping |
Luci after bathtime |
Luci after food time |
Mommy and Dot time |
Getting ready to go to MRI..we are NOT happy |
Happy that MRI is over! |
Really mom?? Do my pants need to be this high? |
Sunday, June 14, 2015
I think I can... I think I can... One day at a time Mommy's Story
Mommy- I had started noticing a few weeks ago with all of the stress of going back to work, ending the school year, reflux woes (I will explain in the girls' section), insurance dealings (explanation below), and schedule of going back and forth to the nicu all while still trying to be a mommy and wife; I was beginning to feel a little rundown and tired. Well...it all came to a head this week. Ending the school year went pretty well, thanks to the support of family and my husband, I felt pretty confident the whole way through.
Since giving birth to the girls I have been using a hospital grade breast pump to help feed the girls, and I have been able to exclusively breastfeed all 3 these past 4 1/2 months with no supplementation. I am extremely proud and want to keep going until they are 1 year at least at this point! However this hospital grade pump has to come from a medical supply company- no problem- my lactation consultant from the hospital help set it up with insurance and the medical supply company. Received my pump and all is great! Fast forward to May, medical supply company is mad because the insurance will not pay for all the months and is demanding that I return the pump or pay the rental fee. Umm..hello? How do I feed my babies without this pump? Man from the medical supply company does not care and wants the pump returned anyway. After 2 weeks of talking and mediating between the insurance, medical supply company (who is not a very nice man to speak with), and my lactation consultant, we were able to reapprove the pump through August. Until last week, the nasty man from the medical supply company calls back to demand that I return the pump immediately as the insurance is denying my claim. Again he is almost screaming at me, as I am pretty much begging for some time to solve this so that I can continue to pump enough milk to feed the girls. Anyway it got so bad I ended up with my very first stress headache. It was so bad I couldn't see straight. We are still in the process of figuring this mess out so pray that it works out in our favor! So Monday night I start noticing pain in my chest and that I might have some clogs. It happens when feeding multiple babies and I can usually work them out. Late Monday night I woke up shivering and running a fever with extreme pain everywhere, especially the right side of my chest. It got so bad I couldn't give the girls their first bottle that morning. For the next 2 days I ran fevers up to 104 degrees. I was taking ibprophen, tylenol, and an antibiotic prescribed by my doctor. Yep...for those of you who have knowledge of nursing/pumping...I had gotten a severe case of mastitis. I had 2 minor cases before but cleared up within 24 hours with no problem and no antibiotic needed. Not this time! I got so sick we even took a little trip to the ER to see if IV antibiotics would help. Thankfully they doubled the dosage of antibiotic and increased pain meds and said give it 24 more hours. By Thursday morning I started to feed my temperature coming down, and feel more normal. I felt like I could actually get out of bed without passing out. And maybe I could eat some food too. By late morning my fever was normal. For those who don't know about mastitis, it is one of the most painful things that can happen to a nursing mom. It is when the milk ducts clogs and then cause an infection which can spread to your blood if not treated or unclogged immediately. Many times mastitis causes a drop in milk supply too. The other 2 times I got mastitis I was able to clear the clogs and recover my supply within a day or two. This time my supply has drastically dropped. I went from making 9-14 oz each pump to now make 5-6 oz. It can really be frustrating and discouraging to see after being able to pump so well before, and now not knowing if you can recover your supply back. I am staying positive and will do what I can to help get back to where I was before. Thankfully, I do have a supply built up in my freezer that will help up get through..although there is a pitfall to that as well (explain later haha). So being down for 2 days what happened to the babies???? Ta-da! Family to the rescue! Hubby stepped up and did morning feeds and stayed with my in the morning until my parents came. My parents helped take care of the girls during the day and into the evening both days. I cannot ever thank them enough for all the help that they have given to us. Without them I would be lost for sure! They do so much for us and I will always continue to thank them and let them know how grateful we are for their help and support! We also had help from our other grandparents in the evening to watch the girls and from their uncle who watched Alyx and Luci by himself for an hour! He was and should be proud! That is a big undertaking for anyone!
So on top of the all of this we have been dealing with the dreaded reflux with the girls. We have tried a couple different meds with no success among other interventions that we are trying from home. We finally have a GI appointment but while we are waiting to go, it was suggested by others that I try to remove dairy from my diet to see if that makes a difference. So for the past week and a half I have stayed away from all dairy. We have been feeding the girls purely dairy free milk to see if this will help with their massive spit ups. We have definitely seen a reduction in spits so I will keep it up for now. This is not easy when ice cream is a daily food group for you!! But for my babies I will do with a smile on my face. Now... this has been a problem the last few days because of the mastitis. With my supply down I am not producing enough to feed the girls so we are having to use the frozen supply...which has MILK in it!!! So frustrating.
Anywho hopefully now life will get back on track. Exciting weekend planned..first zoo trip, first birthday party outing, and visiting sissy at the hospital. I will update on the girls soon as well!
Friday, June 12, 2015
10 Signs You Have Spent Time At A NICU
1. The secretaries know you by your voice.
I call up to the nicu on the parent line a few times each day and night to check on Dot. One night I called and the Secretary, whom I really enjoy having a nighttime conversation with says to me "How you doin' Mrs. Mitchell, I recognized your voice before you even said the room number. I told you I would learn your voice eventually." Oh Lord I need my discharge papers...STAT!2. You have celebrated multiple holidays within the 4 walls and florescent lighting of a hospital.
3. You know terms like Apnea, NBP, CPAP, KCAL, input/output, desat, leads, CBC, etc.
4. Eating out/running through a drive through used to be like YEAH no cooking and now you just long for a home cooked meal at your HOME!
5. The top Wi-Fi network on your phone is the hospital network.
6. The wires and tubes become no big deal.
7. Your child has "earned" some cool baby equipment.
8. You have seen too many neighbors come and go and your child is the "queen bee" of her area.
9. Your child has reached the top weight on the weight conversion chart.
10. You are bringing up the next size in clothing cause she outgrew the last size.
Saturday, May 30, 2015
School's Out For Summer!
What a busy week! Wrapping up the last week of school and the girls have kept me busy! Here is an update on each of the girls as we had 4 month check ups for Alyx and Luci on Wednesday. Alyx is now 9 lbs 2 oz. She is 22 in. long. Luci weighs 9 lbs 3 oz. and is 22.75 in. long. Both girls did not gain enough weight this month so their pediatrician wants us to add some solids in their diet. So...oatmeal it is. Girls did okay and were hilarious to watch eat their first meal by spoon. Their doctor thinks the solids will add extra calories and help with their spitting up so much of their bottle during feedings. On a great note the girls are meeting and surpassing all their age milestones for a 4 month old. They can roll over from front to back and back to front! They are grasping things and even holding into them. They also started to notice and giggle with each other and us! They will coo at us and almost coo at us like they are having a real conversation. It is so neat to see! I have been trying to teach them to say "mama" but we are not quite there yet. 😉
Dorothy has been doing wonderful as well. She is completely off cpap and they are lowering her high flow levels too. Her oxygen levels are now in the 30% range instead of 40%. Her weight is up to 8 lbs 7 oz. She also is cooing and will talk to you. She has also started learning to drink by bottle. This will be a long process for her learning to drink from a bottle, but she will get there. She is doing really well these days! We have also discovered she loves oldies! Especially the beach boys! We listen to it every night. We are ready for her to be home more than ever, and maybe our prayers will be granted this month!